“It’s obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It’s like accountants who buy a Harley.”
“I won cutest baby at the 1974 Jasper County Fair. People at the time said I could go Gerber.”
“I’ve been thinking of moving out for some time now. There’s a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don’t want to still be here when they get sick of candy.”
“It’s gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle.”
“When you’re married to me you’re going to be yelled at many times.”
“Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.”
“When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all, ‘Whaaat?’”
“You’re really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?”
“We sent those adoption papers out to Vietnam last summer! She said it could take up to 9 months to get a baby. It’s inhumane!”
“What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?”
“I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong like I had said, ‘Dad, I’m gray.'”
“I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG: Oh my God. WTF: Why the face?”
“I love filmmaking and I love love. I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film and I love doing it by myself.”
“In my country, it is considered very very bad luck when your house burns down.”
“With great hotness comes great responsibility.”




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